Day One: A Call to Die

My fast begins today after my brunch meeting with a friend.
I have found myself asking God this morning whether this is His will or not.  A disastrous thing in the Christian life is to decide what you're going to do and then ask God to bless it.  It is so important to be doing what He wants you to be doing.  Then He will bless is because it is His will.  I have been wondering whether this is His will.  I have decided that I believe it is.  Communication has been scarce the past week so I'm taking it on faith that God will let me know if this isn't what I should be doing.
I am excited about what could happen during this time of self-denial and spiritual focus.  I am also scared that I will miss the entire point of the exercise, caught up in the health benefits and lose sight of the God I'm longing to get closer to. 
It seems as I have approached this period that I had decided on during my first 10 day fast that my spiritual struggle has increased.  I see myself as a useless sinner whom God cannot change and I know that is false.  There is now no condemnation for those who are Christ Jesus...And so God condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live by the sinful nature but by the Spirit. (Rom 8:1, 4)  If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  (1 John 1:9)  I must remember that God does not call the worthy, he makes worthy the called.  I was called to do God's will before the foundation of time.  For some odd reason, God chose me to be His child.  I suppose that if I could summarize what I've been learning recently is that it is all grace.  My grace is sufficient for you.  I pray that it is true because I doubt it.
Can you call "learning how sinful you are and how much you don't deserve forgiveness" spiritual growth?  I don't know.
Elisabeth Elliot entitled Amy Carmichael's biography A Call to Die.  I pray that this is what I will be doing for the next 40 some days.  Dying to myself. 
For those of you who are wondering why I'm not starting on Ash Wednesday, the answer is simple: practicality.  The first three days of fasting are the most difficult and uncomfortable.  Hence, I'll give my body a jump start while sleeping tonight and then Sat and Sun can be adjusted to how I'm feeling.  Monday, however, has me working a 12 hour shift. I wanted to be responsible to my job and working during the chaos of detox is a struggle.  So the fast starts today at noon.  It will end at noon on March 14th.  30 days is my goal.  If I must for energy purposes (I struggled with energy last time) I will be drinking juices.  But I'm going to try to go the full 40 days without actual food.  After the 30 day period, I may add some raw fruits/veggies back in for a week, but Holy week will be back to water.  Easter will break my fast and I will begin to gradually start reintroducing foods.  By the end of April, I should be back to a normal human, balanced diet. 
Most people are thinking that I'm crazy.  I may be, but it is going to take something drastic to make my flesh shut up and allow God to speak.  If I must do this in order to hear what God has to say to me, then I will do it.  I will no longer be controlled by my desires or by this world.  They will perish by fire.  I must fear the one who can destroy both body and soul.  If I must be called a radical, fanatic, crazy lunatic then so be it.  I'm sure Jesus' 40 day fast in the desert wasn't popular.