Yesterday was a fail spiritually. I didn't have any time with the Lord, let alone extra time.
Physically it was amazing. My roommate and I went to Ikea to get cabinets for the new kitchen. Well, after an hour and a half of loading/unloading the car trying to get everything in, we finally got it done. I had plenty of energy. Wasn't too hungry.
Craving food is all psychological. Just because they have killer cinnamon rolls there does not mean that I need to buy them and eat them. I can make cinnamon rolls that are just as killer, perhaps better than theirs. Its on my list of things to make once I start eating normally.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Day One: Update
I've been fasting for about 5 hours now and already the psychological warfare of "I need to eat that in order to not miss out...or I need to eat that because its there" has begun. My body hasn't even entered the "hey, give me food!" stage yet. ::le sigh:: This might be harder than I thought.
Day One: A Call to Die
My fast begins today after my brunch meeting with a friend.
I have found myself asking God this morning whether this is His will or not. A disastrous thing in the Christian life is to decide what you're going to do and then ask God to bless it. It is so important to be doing what He wants you to be doing. Then He will bless is because it is His will. I have been wondering whether this is His will. I have decided that I believe it is. Communication has been scarce the past week so I'm taking it on faith that God will let me know if this isn't what I should be doing.
I am excited about what could happen during this time of self-denial and spiritual focus. I am also scared that I will miss the entire point of the exercise, caught up in the health benefits and lose sight of the God I'm longing to get closer to.
It seems as I have approached this period that I had decided on during my first 10 day fast that my spiritual struggle has increased. I see myself as a useless sinner whom God cannot change and I know that is false. There is now no condemnation for those who are Christ Jesus...And so God condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live by the sinful nature but by the Spirit. (Rom 8:1, 4) If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) I must remember that God does not call the worthy, he makes worthy the called. I was called to do God's will before the foundation of time. For some odd reason, God chose me to be His child. I suppose that if I could summarize what I've been learning recently is that it is all grace. My grace is sufficient for you. I pray that it is true because I doubt it.
Can you call "learning how sinful you are and how much you don't deserve forgiveness" spiritual growth? I don't know.
Elisabeth Elliot entitled Amy Carmichael's biography A Call to Die. I pray that this is what I will be doing for the next 40 some days. Dying to myself.
For those of you who are wondering why I'm not starting on Ash Wednesday, the answer is simple: practicality. The first three days of fasting are the most difficult and uncomfortable. Hence, I'll give my body a jump start while sleeping tonight and then Sat and Sun can be adjusted to how I'm feeling. Monday, however, has me working a 12 hour shift. I wanted to be responsible to my job and working during the chaos of detox is a struggle. So the fast starts today at noon. It will end at noon on March 14th. 30 days is my goal. If I must for energy purposes (I struggled with energy last time) I will be drinking juices. But I'm going to try to go the full 40 days without actual food. After the 30 day period, I may add some raw fruits/veggies back in for a week, but Holy week will be back to water. Easter will break my fast and I will begin to gradually start reintroducing foods. By the end of April, I should be back to a normal human, balanced diet.
Most people are thinking that I'm crazy. I may be, but it is going to take something drastic to make my flesh shut up and allow God to speak. If I must do this in order to hear what God has to say to me, then I will do it. I will no longer be controlled by my desires or by this world. They will perish by fire. I must fear the one who can destroy both body and soul. If I must be called a radical, fanatic, crazy lunatic then so be it. I'm sure Jesus' 40 day fast in the desert wasn't popular.
I have found myself asking God this morning whether this is His will or not. A disastrous thing in the Christian life is to decide what you're going to do and then ask God to bless it. It is so important to be doing what He wants you to be doing. Then He will bless is because it is His will. I have been wondering whether this is His will. I have decided that I believe it is. Communication has been scarce the past week so I'm taking it on faith that God will let me know if this isn't what I should be doing.
I am excited about what could happen during this time of self-denial and spiritual focus. I am also scared that I will miss the entire point of the exercise, caught up in the health benefits and lose sight of the God I'm longing to get closer to.
It seems as I have approached this period that I had decided on during my first 10 day fast that my spiritual struggle has increased. I see myself as a useless sinner whom God cannot change and I know that is false. There is now no condemnation for those who are Christ Jesus...And so God condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live by the sinful nature but by the Spirit. (Rom 8:1, 4) If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) I must remember that God does not call the worthy, he makes worthy the called. I was called to do God's will before the foundation of time. For some odd reason, God chose me to be His child. I suppose that if I could summarize what I've been learning recently is that it is all grace. My grace is sufficient for you. I pray that it is true because I doubt it.
Can you call "learning how sinful you are and how much you don't deserve forgiveness" spiritual growth? I don't know.
Elisabeth Elliot entitled Amy Carmichael's biography A Call to Die. I pray that this is what I will be doing for the next 40 some days. Dying to myself.
For those of you who are wondering why I'm not starting on Ash Wednesday, the answer is simple: practicality. The first three days of fasting are the most difficult and uncomfortable. Hence, I'll give my body a jump start while sleeping tonight and then Sat and Sun can be adjusted to how I'm feeling. Monday, however, has me working a 12 hour shift. I wanted to be responsible to my job and working during the chaos of detox is a struggle. So the fast starts today at noon. It will end at noon on March 14th. 30 days is my goal. If I must for energy purposes (I struggled with energy last time) I will be drinking juices. But I'm going to try to go the full 40 days without actual food. After the 30 day period, I may add some raw fruits/veggies back in for a week, but Holy week will be back to water. Easter will break my fast and I will begin to gradually start reintroducing foods. By the end of April, I should be back to a normal human, balanced diet.
Most people are thinking that I'm crazy. I may be, but it is going to take something drastic to make my flesh shut up and allow God to speak. If I must do this in order to hear what God has to say to me, then I will do it. I will no longer be controlled by my desires or by this world. They will perish by fire. I must fear the one who can destroy both body and soul. If I must be called a radical, fanatic, crazy lunatic then so be it. I'm sure Jesus' 40 day fast in the desert wasn't popular.
Friday, February 5, 2010
My how the world crumbles!
Kitchen demo started yesterday at the condo. My goodness, he works fast! So everything that was in the kitchen is now in the living room. Everything that was in the dining room is now in the living room. Its all in the living room - fridge, dishes, food - all of it. ::le sigh:: It'll all come together in the end! Hopefully by the end of the Lent fast.
Speaking of which, decisions have been made on the fast coming up. I think I'm going to take a big bite and go for 28 days on H2O. We'll see how it goes. My last fast was plagued by weakness so I'm going to keep a close eye on my energy levels during the first 2 weeks. If the energy just isn't there then I will transition to juices and maintain that until the 28 days are done.
At that point - depending on how I'm feeling physically and spiritually - I'll look at either continuing on juices for 2 weeks and then raw fruits and veggies for 1 week until Holy Week. I've got options there.
The big thing is the 28 days water only. Its a big chunk to bite off, but I think I'm up for the challenge!
Fast begins Feb 12th after dinner so that I'm not crabby on Monday (I think I have to work a 12 hr shift that day).
End of water only is Mar 12th after dinner.
Ready...set...go!
Speaking of which, decisions have been made on the fast coming up. I think I'm going to take a big bite and go for 28 days on H2O. We'll see how it goes. My last fast was plagued by weakness so I'm going to keep a close eye on my energy levels during the first 2 weeks. If the energy just isn't there then I will transition to juices and maintain that until the 28 days are done.
At that point - depending on how I'm feeling physically and spiritually - I'll look at either continuing on juices for 2 weeks and then raw fruits and veggies for 1 week until Holy Week. I've got options there.
The big thing is the 28 days water only. Its a big chunk to bite off, but I think I'm up for the challenge!
Fast begins Feb 12th after dinner so that I'm not crabby on Monday (I think I have to work a 12 hr shift that day).
End of water only is Mar 12th after dinner.
Ready...set...go!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Fasting Thoughts Update:
Read this on a blog today about a woman who completed her own 28 day water only fast. Here is what she has found on the bad taste on my tongue and the severe weakness I was feeling.
From: Dr. Isabelle A. Mose M.D. and Steve Solomon, in their book, How and When To Be Your Own Doctor
Acidosis, the third stage, usually begins a couple of days after the last meal and lasts about one week. During acidosis the body vigorously throws off acid waste products. Most people starting a fast begin with an overly acid blood pH from the typical American diet that contains a predominance of acid-forming foods. Switching over to burning fat for fuel triggers the release of even more acidic substances. Acidosis is usually accompanied by fatigue, blurred vision, and possibly dizziness. The breath smells very bad, the tongue is coated with bad-tasting dryish mucus, and the urine may be concentrated and foul unless a good deal of water is taken daily. Two to three quarts a day is a reasonable amount.
Mild states of acidosis are a common occurrence. While sleeping after the last meal of the day is digested bodies normally work very hard trying to detoxify from yesterday's abuses. So people routinely awaken in a state of acidosis. Their tongue is coated, their breath foul and they feel poorly. They end their brief overnight fast with breakfast, bringing the detoxification process to a screeching halt and feel much better. Many people think they awaken hungry and don't feel well until they eat. They confuse acidosis with hunger when most have never experienced real hunger in their entire lives. If you typically awaken in acidosis, you are being given a strong sign by your body that it would like to continue fasting far beyond breakfast. In fact, it probably would enjoy fasting long beyond the end of acidosis.
Most fasters feel much more comfortable by the end of the first seven to ten days, when they enter the normalization phase; here the acidic blood chemistry is gradually corrected. This sets the stage for serious healing of body tissues and organs. Normalization may take one or two more weeks depending on how badly the body was out of balance. As the blood chemistry steadily approaches perfection, the faster usually feels an increasing sense of well-being, broken by short spells of discomfort that are usually healing crises or retracings.
Fasting Thoughts
My mother reminded me the other day that I had yet to write down all my thoughts and experiences related with my 10 day fast. Well, let me tell you - It was fantastic! It wasn't a walk in the park most of the time, but I came out on the other side a changed person. I changed physically, I lost 17lbs. I changed spiritually. But I came to realize that everyone is right when they say that once you get yourself away from distractions, your real self takes over.
I don't have a lot of insights and bombshells to hit everyone with. The experience has taught me a great deal about myself. How psychological food is. If you're not willing to do at least a 3 day fast (not because of health) then guess what - you're addicted to food. If you honestly can admit that a 3 day fast would be difficult, but that if God commanded it, you would do it, then take heart - you're not as bad as most of us.
The weirdest thing that happened was that I gained universal support. I never had anyone telling me that I should stop, that it was killing me, etc. I had several who said to me the Sunday after I was done, "Its good to see you eating!" That made me laugh. I found that I was surrounded by people who completely supported me, a co-worker on day 10 said she was very very proud of me, but no one who was remotely willing to join me. I don't know exactly what that means, but I am grateful for the support. Office workers even moved a pizza party across the office so that I wouldn't be tempted.
Spiritually, it didn't change me much. It renewed my walk with Christ, which was faltering, and I've had highs and lows since then.
The big thing that it did was cleanse my body of mass amounts of crap.
For those who are considering fasting, let me lay out my general experiences for you.
Note: Everyday, all day - I had a terrible taste in my mouth. This is detox. Do not chew gum, do not eat certs or mints. Wash your mouth out with mouth wash every 2 hours and scrape your tongue off with a toothbrush. If you want to see that crap coming out of your body, wake up in the morning and wipe your tongue on a white towel. The dark gray, organge-like stuff is toxins. THAT is what you put into your body and THAT is what your body is getting rid of. Ewwww - Gross!! No more McDonalds for me!
Day 1 Sunday: No ill affects, just hungry.
Day 2 Monday: Headache. I took ibuprofen. DO NOT DO THIS! The fast is a fast away from modern medicine. The ibuprofen only awakened my digestive tract and upset my stomach. Experience the pain! Its a reminder of all the things in your body that shouldn't be in your body.
Day 3 Tuesday: Still hungry. But felt fantastic!
Day 4 Wednesday: Tues night I had a massive detox cycle. I tossed and turned in bed for hours and felt sore. It felt like sleeping when I had a severe case of the flu and a 104 degree fever. This is the hardest part. It will feel like you are sick. You're not. Sleep intensifies, at least for me, the detox process. At this point, my body was converting itself from using glucose from my liver as energy to using my fat and dead cells as energy. Toxins are stored in fat and as fat. As your body dips into those fat reserves, toxins are flushed into your system in large numbers. This is normal, but its painful. Another reminder of all the crap you put into your body that shouldn't be there.
Day 5 Thursday: Lack of energy. Mass amounts of psychological warfare went on as pizza was ordered. I found that I feel like I'm missing out on things if good food is around and I don't eat it. It wasn't hunger - it was messages in my brain that were WRONG! This is harder than feeling hungry. When your body is actually asking for food, its easy to say no. When an addiction is calling for satisfaction, it goes against the nature of addiction to deny it.
Day 6 Friday: Massive lack of energy. By this point, it was hard for me to get around in the mornings. I felt very weak and very slow. This is not normal for everyone. I was beginning to be crappy because of the lows I was feeling. Fasting is a cycle of highs and lows. It is normal - but not fun.
FASTING IS NOT FUN!
Day 7 Saturday: I laid in bed all day. It was fantastic! Yet, I stopped drinking water. At the time, I saw it as a bad sign. I've read since then that it is a normal thing. You just have to push through and drink more water even if you don't want to. Late Sat I decided to get some apple juice (all naturally squeezed with no other ingredients. Is available at whole foods for about $2-3/bottle. Its fantastic). It gave me some flavor so that I could make it through the next three days.
Day 8 Sunday: Still feeling weak when taking stairs, etc. The apple juice helped my energy level a bit. I had a 6 oz glass for breakfast and then continued with water for most of the day. I even went out to lunch with everyone to KFC. I was not tempted to eat a thing. At this point, my body was in fast mode, it was using my fat to feed itself.
Day 9 Monday: Had another bad detox cycle Sunday night. It wasn't as bad as Tues night, but I still tossed and turned. By this time, my body was eating away my fat in mass proportions. A pound of fat has 3500 calories in it. My body was going through a pound a day. I noticed that where I normally lost weight first was beginning to be sore. I normally lose it in my tush and upper thighs first, giving me baggy butt in my jeans. Well, it was very difficult to go to the bathroom. Females sit on all those muscles. I'm not sure if this is normal, but it happened.
Day 10 Tuesday: I was feeling ok by Day 10. My energy was back up because of the juices and I was feeling better all around. Everyone was asking me at the office what I was going to eat. I proudly proclaimed - banana! The odd thing was that my stomach was upset all day. I don't know why. I think I went through yet another detox cycle at work as I was nervous, anxious and jittery. I had to get up and walk around to relieve the anxiety. This is normal for detox.
So that's all I have time to relate today. I hope that my experience will help some not be afraid of fasting. I'll add more later as I have more thoughts.
My roommate and I will also be starting a 40 day fast for the lent season this year. It is not going to be water only. This fast is purely spiritual. I am seriously looking to quiet my flesh so that God may show himself to me more clearly. As a result, I may not be talking about it as much. I am hoping that it is another time of cleansing. But I also know it will be a time of pain. I have a lot of issues within myself that God needs to fix. There are times when only when we are broken are we healed.
Ask questions, make comments - whatever you'd like. I'd love to hear from anyone!
Tootles!
I don't have a lot of insights and bombshells to hit everyone with. The experience has taught me a great deal about myself. How psychological food is. If you're not willing to do at least a 3 day fast (not because of health) then guess what - you're addicted to food. If you honestly can admit that a 3 day fast would be difficult, but that if God commanded it, you would do it, then take heart - you're not as bad as most of us.
The weirdest thing that happened was that I gained universal support. I never had anyone telling me that I should stop, that it was killing me, etc. I had several who said to me the Sunday after I was done, "Its good to see you eating!" That made me laugh. I found that I was surrounded by people who completely supported me, a co-worker on day 10 said she was very very proud of me, but no one who was remotely willing to join me. I don't know exactly what that means, but I am grateful for the support. Office workers even moved a pizza party across the office so that I wouldn't be tempted.
Spiritually, it didn't change me much. It renewed my walk with Christ, which was faltering, and I've had highs and lows since then.
The big thing that it did was cleanse my body of mass amounts of crap.
For those who are considering fasting, let me lay out my general experiences for you.
Note: Everyday, all day - I had a terrible taste in my mouth. This is detox. Do not chew gum, do not eat certs or mints. Wash your mouth out with mouth wash every 2 hours and scrape your tongue off with a toothbrush. If you want to see that crap coming out of your body, wake up in the morning and wipe your tongue on a white towel. The dark gray, organge-like stuff is toxins. THAT is what you put into your body and THAT is what your body is getting rid of. Ewwww - Gross!! No more McDonalds for me!
Day 1 Sunday: No ill affects, just hungry.
Day 2 Monday: Headache. I took ibuprofen. DO NOT DO THIS! The fast is a fast away from modern medicine. The ibuprofen only awakened my digestive tract and upset my stomach. Experience the pain! Its a reminder of all the things in your body that shouldn't be in your body.
Day 3 Tuesday: Still hungry. But felt fantastic!
Day 4 Wednesday: Tues night I had a massive detox cycle. I tossed and turned in bed for hours and felt sore. It felt like sleeping when I had a severe case of the flu and a 104 degree fever. This is the hardest part. It will feel like you are sick. You're not. Sleep intensifies, at least for me, the detox process. At this point, my body was converting itself from using glucose from my liver as energy to using my fat and dead cells as energy. Toxins are stored in fat and as fat. As your body dips into those fat reserves, toxins are flushed into your system in large numbers. This is normal, but its painful. Another reminder of all the crap you put into your body that shouldn't be there.
Day 5 Thursday: Lack of energy. Mass amounts of psychological warfare went on as pizza was ordered. I found that I feel like I'm missing out on things if good food is around and I don't eat it. It wasn't hunger - it was messages in my brain that were WRONG! This is harder than feeling hungry. When your body is actually asking for food, its easy to say no. When an addiction is calling for satisfaction, it goes against the nature of addiction to deny it.
Day 6 Friday: Massive lack of energy. By this point, it was hard for me to get around in the mornings. I felt very weak and very slow. This is not normal for everyone. I was beginning to be crappy because of the lows I was feeling. Fasting is a cycle of highs and lows. It is normal - but not fun.
FASTING IS NOT FUN!
Day 7 Saturday: I laid in bed all day. It was fantastic! Yet, I stopped drinking water. At the time, I saw it as a bad sign. I've read since then that it is a normal thing. You just have to push through and drink more water even if you don't want to. Late Sat I decided to get some apple juice (all naturally squeezed with no other ingredients. Is available at whole foods for about $2-3/bottle. Its fantastic). It gave me some flavor so that I could make it through the next three days.
Day 8 Sunday: Still feeling weak when taking stairs, etc. The apple juice helped my energy level a bit. I had a 6 oz glass for breakfast and then continued with water for most of the day. I even went out to lunch with everyone to KFC. I was not tempted to eat a thing. At this point, my body was in fast mode, it was using my fat to feed itself.
Day 9 Monday: Had another bad detox cycle Sunday night. It wasn't as bad as Tues night, but I still tossed and turned. By this time, my body was eating away my fat in mass proportions. A pound of fat has 3500 calories in it. My body was going through a pound a day. I noticed that where I normally lost weight first was beginning to be sore. I normally lose it in my tush and upper thighs first, giving me baggy butt in my jeans. Well, it was very difficult to go to the bathroom. Females sit on all those muscles. I'm not sure if this is normal, but it happened.
Day 10 Tuesday: I was feeling ok by Day 10. My energy was back up because of the juices and I was feeling better all around. Everyone was asking me at the office what I was going to eat. I proudly proclaimed - banana! The odd thing was that my stomach was upset all day. I don't know why. I think I went through yet another detox cycle at work as I was nervous, anxious and jittery. I had to get up and walk around to relieve the anxiety. This is normal for detox.
So that's all I have time to relate today. I hope that my experience will help some not be afraid of fasting. I'll add more later as I have more thoughts.
My roommate and I will also be starting a 40 day fast for the lent season this year. It is not going to be water only. This fast is purely spiritual. I am seriously looking to quiet my flesh so that God may show himself to me more clearly. As a result, I may not be talking about it as much. I am hoping that it is another time of cleansing. But I also know it will be a time of pain. I have a lot of issues within myself that God needs to fix. There are times when only when we are broken are we healed.
Ask questions, make comments - whatever you'd like. I'd love to hear from anyone!
Tootles!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
New Years 2010!
So I really didn't make any New Years resolutions this year. I normally don't. I always have the two that are constant whether its January or November: 1) lose weight, 2) grow spiritually. So I decided to do something good for myself this January and get rid of all the crap that I'd eaten over the holidays. I decided on a detox water fast. It began as a 5 day fast and ended up being a 10 day fast (reading up on fasting, I found that a 10 day fast is really good for you). Yes, you can all close your mouths now. I'm not psycho, I'm not suicidal and I'm not hurting myself. Fasting is an age old tradition that was actually commanded in the Old Testament and highly recommended in the New Testament. I have found that most Christians I talk to cannot even phathom a one day fast for prayer and meditation. I'm ashamed to say that most of the time, I wouldn't have considered it. But didn't Jesus say, "this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting?" He also spent 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry, most likely on a water fast. If Jesus did it, aren't we supposed to become like him? I have found that my flesh is a lot louder than God's still small voice most of the time. I think its time that I silence my flesh and let God speak!
Today is Day 10, I get to eat tonight. And well, I've learned some things about myself that I didn't really realize. I'll have more coming as I can analyze my thoughts and also reap some benefits once I start eating again, but it has been a beneficial experience. I think everyone should fast, but its not for the faint hearted. Once you get away from what you escape to and hide behind, you'll find out who you truly are. And that my friend - is a sinner. More to come.
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