Day 7 : Update

Ok, so I feel like a complete and absolute failure - I drank some tomato juice for dinner.  I just cannot cope with the low energy levels. I've been making mistakes at work (which I think my boss didn't notice because I got an excellent review and a raise today!  PRAISE THE LORD!) and I need to be able to do my job for the glory of God.  I can't do that now. I can barely make it up our stairs to the apartment or walk around the warehouse at work to check the doors.  I'm hoping that the juice will also settle my stomach down.  My roommate says I should just make myself throw up once to get all the crap out of it, but I hate throwing up with a vengence.  All this may just be justification for the fact that I love my flesh, but for now I believe there enough good reasons to switch to juices for now.
So the second colon cleaning round went well.  The technician (who owns the place) talked my head off and I didn't have any nervous energy this time to talk back.  She did make an interesting comment about the left side of my body being my gentle side.  She also said that I bottle up emotions and don't talk about things.  Uh...BINGO!  She got that one right.
Welp, besides the juice, I wanted to give everyone some of my thoughts on Ps 49. 
Let's just start with what I've written down:
Ps 49:7

No man can redeem the life of another or give God a ransom for him - the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever enough - that he should live on forever and not see decay.

(Note: the last part reminds me of Christ and how prophecy said [maybe in this verse, maybe from another verse] that he would never see decay.  How much do I thank Christ for paying what Ps 49 says cannot be bought with payment?  Praise the Lord for Christ's sacrifice and my salvation!)  From my commentary (NIV) they added, "There is no way for a person to buy eternal life with God.  God alone can redeem a soul."
Application for me:  I cannot save people.  It is only by the power of God.  Prayer is my weapon.  I must earnestly pray for people. Then I must share the gospel with them when I have the opportunity.
Ps 49 is reminiscent of Ecclesiastes.  Life is futile outside of the pursuit of God.   v 20 "A man who has riches without understanding is like the beast that perishes."  Isn't this the same conclusion that Solomon comes to?
v 15 is our hope.  "But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself." 
v 19 struck me as something to meditate on when considering the lost.  "He will join the generation of his father, who will never see the light of life."
Never see the light of life.  Jesus said that he was the way, the truth and the life - no one comes to the Father except through him.  It saddens me to think of those who will follow their fathers in their futile attempts to save themselves.  This should be motivation for me to daily seek to share the gospel.
Lord, give me a passion for those who will not see your light.  When I see them, make my heart yearn to pray for them and then share with them.
This Psalm was full of so many things. The Lord truly opened my eyes to his word this morning and I am grateful.

Tomorrow, I will be attempting to rebuild my energy and muscles with some tomato and mixed veggie juices bought at Whole Foods.  2/$5!  :)  I hope to be back on water eventually, but if not, I will at least be going back to water during Holy Week.

Day 5

Wow.  I can't believe its been 5 days!
Physically, I slept well last night - almost 12 hours!  It just felt so good to be in the laying position.
I have still been having stomach problems.  Drinking water only infuriates my stomach.  I think it is caused by a blockage in my bowels and the bile coming from the liver and other organs is getting backed up into my stomach.  That's at least what all the online books are saying.  So I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow/Thurs to get that taken care of.
I have had no headaches today and my sinuses are clear!  PRAISE THE LORD!
Weakness and back pain have been an issue.  I believe these are due to colon function (lower back pain) and acidosis (general fatigue).   My weight this morning was down 11.4lbs since I weighed on Sat.  I don't know if that's accurate but I can fit into my skinny jeans (direct from the dryer!).  I will be taking pictures tonight for friends and family to document my weight loss - no I will not be posting them.
Emotionally, I am doing great.
Spiritually, I have decided to focus on sharing the gospel.  I've started through a Two Ways to Live witnessing guide. It basically helps you share the gospel w/o the words getting in the way.  You can still personalize it to the person you're talking to, but there are pictures and verses that help explain what you're talking about.  I have decided that this year is about getting back on track to go to the mission field.  I have been sitting around waiting for God to do something and move me.  Well, it looks like I just needed to move myself in the direction that God had already shown me.  Wow, this fasting stuff certainly opens your eyes.  I've been waiting for God to do it all and I haven't realized that he's already set the standard for me.  I just needed to cooperate with the Holy Spirit.  How incredibly foolish I've been!  I guess I have something new to repent of.
I have found prayer to be the hardest thing.  I don't know if its lack of motivation to pray correctly.  Its been the biggest struggle I've had in my Christian walk ever since my salvation.  I'm a horrible prayer.  Perhaps I can work on that next. I need to make myself care enough about the world and people around me to pray for them.  I have to believe in the power of prayer!

Day 3

Today has been a good day.  Slight headache, slight weakness - but that's all.
Spiritually, today has been better:
After church this morning as I was driving home, I realized that I don't really spend very much time with the Lord on "Lord's Day".  This is a grievous oversight.  I've always been the habitual: go to church, eat lunch w/ friends, go home and relax, go back to church, eat dinner w/ friends, go home and relax/rest more.  I've never even thought of using the time I have on Sundays to spend more time with the Lord.  How dense can I be?
I decided that today should be different. The problem I've encountered is that its been so long since God and I were close that I don't know what to say to him. Consider it like this:  you and an old friend were really close, you had a lot of good times and a great deal of deep discussion that changed you.  Then you don't really talk to that person for a year, you don't really discuss anything, you just mainly show up and go through the motions.  How is that first real conversation back going to go? 
I asked God what I should say to him and the idea of reading a psalm came into my head.  Its been said that the Psalms are there to let us know what to say to God.  They are praises to him from him.  I find it ingenious of him really.  I'm a sinner with no concept of the holiness of God.  Without direction, where do we turn?
So I flipped on over to the Psalm for today, which since I've been trying to read one a day since Jan 1, means I'm on Ps 45.  It didn't really give me much to say.  So I added 30 days to it and flipped over to another, Ps 75.  That didn't do much either.  So I prayed some more asking God what on earth I should say.  Then my eye caught Ps 77:1-12

I cried out to God for help;  I cried out to God to hear me.  When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.  You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.  I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night,  My heart mused and my spirit inquired:  

"Will the Lord reject forever?  Will he never show his favor again?  Has his unfailing love vanished forever?  Has his promise failed for all time?  Has God forgotten to be merciful?  Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."  I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your might deeds.

I knew what I was to say.  I started with my salvation and traced God's hand through my life these past 8 years.  I thanked him for everything he had done and meditated on that.  And I came to the point where I found that I left God. I think that at a certain point, I took what he called me to be and I ran with it.  I set in motion a plan that I thought was God's.  Perhaps it was, most of it he has led me to and through.  But then that plan ended.  I came to the end of my human knowledge of the future.  And I stopped.  It happened slowly, but I stopped going to Seminary.  I stopped being diligent.  I stopped studying his word.  I started down the road of escapism that has lead me where I am today.  Instead of taking my uncomfortable feelings about where I was going and what was happening to the Lord, I pushed them aside and didn't deal with them.  Now I find that there is so much nonsense in my head that when I try to get alone with him, all I hear is noise. 
I am so grateful that the Lord has shown this to me.  It didn't take fasting to discover this.  It only took quieting of my desire to escape and perhaps the mindset of self-denial necessary in fasting to reveal it.  He has still been faithful.  His love is ever drawing me back to him.  
I renewed my desire to be what he has called me to be and I am asking him to show me how to repent of all this.  Shame and realization will only get you so far.  I desire to change.  I no longer want to be on the path that I'm on.  I want to be what God has called me to be.
What has he called me to be? 
For sure, he's called me to be a Christian.  That means that I am his witness.  He has done so much for me and it is my job to take his gospel to the world - the good news that we can be saved from our sins.
I believe he's called me into cross-cultural ministry.  A "missionary" as we call it today.  Where and when, I do not know.  But I do know that there are requirements that must be met before I can be one.  I must have a passion for telling others the good news.  I must always be looking for opportunities to tell people what Jesus has done in my life and ask them if they'd like to know more about him. 
I've been thinking about whether or not he's called me to work with a certain people group right here where I am.  I have a passion for a certain people group and I've found no ministry to them in my city.  Perhaps God is calling me to start something.  I don't feel up for the challenge.  But if he calls me, he will equip me.  I will be praying about this a great deal until Easter.  It is something that I can do now while I'm waiting for the Lord to move me where he wants me to be.  Paul didn't sit in Antioch for all those years and wait for God to lead him.  No.  He ministered where he was.  It is my desire to do the same.
It is now time to rest. 
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation.
O my soul, praise him!  For he is thy health and salvation!

Day 2

Yesterday was a fail spiritually.  I didn't have any time with the Lord, let alone extra time.
Physically it was amazing.  My roommate and I went to Ikea to get cabinets for the new kitchen.  Well, after an hour and a half of loading/unloading the car trying to get everything in, we finally got it done.  I had plenty of energy.  Wasn't too hungry. 
Craving food is all psychological.  Just because they have killer cinnamon rolls there does not mean that I need to buy them and eat them.  I can make cinnamon rolls that are just as killer, perhaps better than theirs.  Its on my list of things to make once I start eating normally.

My how the world crumbles!

Kitchen demo started yesterday at the condo.  My goodness, he works fast!  So everything that was in the kitchen is now in the living room.  Everything that was in the dining room is now in the living room.  Its all in the living room - fridge, dishes, food - all of it.  ::le sigh::  It'll all come together in the end!  Hopefully by the end of the Lent fast.

Speaking of which, decisions have been made on the fast coming up.  I think I'm going to take a big bite and go for 28 days on H2O.  We'll see how it goes.  My last fast was plagued by weakness so I'm going to keep a close eye on my energy levels during the first 2 weeks.  If the energy just isn't there then I will transition to juices and maintain that until the 28 days are done.
At that point - depending on how I'm feeling physically and spiritually - I'll look at either continuing on juices for 2 weeks and then raw fruits and veggies for 1 week until Holy Week.  I've got options there.
The big thing is the 28 days water only.  Its a big chunk to bite off, but I think I'm up for the challenge!

Fast begins Feb 12th after dinner so that I'm not crabby on Monday (I think I have to work a 12 hr shift that day).
End of water only is Mar 12th after dinner.
Ready...set...go!

Fasting Thoughts Update:

Read this on a blog today about a woman who completed her own 28 day water only fast.  Here is what she has found on the bad taste on my tongue and the severe weakness I was feeling.

From:  Dr. Isabelle A. Mose M.D. and Steve Solomon, in their book, How and When To Be Your Own Doctor

Acidosis, the third stage, usually begins a couple of days after the last meal and lasts about one week. During acidosis the body vigorously throws off acid waste products. Most people starting a fast begin with an overly acid blood pH from the typical American diet that contains a predominance of acid-forming foods. Switching over to burning fat for fuel triggers the release of even more acidic substances. Acidosis is usually accompanied by fatigue, blurred vision, and possibly dizziness. The breath smells very bad, the tongue is coated with bad-tasting dryish mucus, and the urine may be concentrated and foul unless a good deal of water is taken daily. Two to three quarts a day is a reasonable amount.

Mild states of acidosis are a common occurrence. While sleeping after the last meal of the day is digested bodies normally work very hard trying to detoxify from yesterday's abuses. So people routinely awaken in a state of acidosis. Their tongue is coated, their breath foul and they feel poorly. They end their brief overnight fast with breakfast, bringing the detoxification process to a screeching halt and feel much better. Many people think they awaken hungry and don't feel well until they eat. They confuse acidosis with hunger when most have never experienced real hunger in their entire lives. If you typically awaken in acidosis, you are being given a strong sign by your body that it would like to continue fasting far beyond breakfast. In fact, it probably would enjoy fasting long beyond the end of acidosis.

Most fasters feel much more comfortable by the end of the first seven to ten days, when they enter the normalization phase; here the acidic blood chemistry is gradually corrected. This sets the stage for serious healing of body tissues and organs. Normalization may take one or two more weeks depending on how badly the body was out of balance. As the blood chemistry steadily approaches perfection, the faster usually feels an increasing sense of well-being, broken by short spells of discomfort that are usually healing crises or retracings.

New Years 2010!

So I really didn't make any New Years resolutions this year.  I normally don't.  I always have the two that are constant whether its January or November: 1) lose weight, 2) grow spiritually.  So I decided to do something good for myself this January and get rid of all the crap that I'd eaten over the holidays.  I decided on a detox water fast.  It began as a 5 day fast and ended up being a 10 day fast (reading up on fasting, I found that a 10 day fast is really good for you).  Yes, you can all close your mouths now.  I'm not psycho, I'm not suicidal and I'm not hurting myself.  Fasting is an age old tradition that was actually commanded in the Old Testament and highly recommended in the New Testament. I have found that most Christians I talk to cannot even phathom a one day fast for prayer and meditation.  I'm ashamed to say that most of the time, I wouldn't have considered it.  But didn't Jesus say, "this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting?"  He also spent 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry, most likely on a water fast.  If Jesus did it, aren't we supposed to become like him?  I have found that my flesh is a lot louder than God's still small voice most of the time.  I think its time that I silence my flesh and let God speak!
Today is Day 10, I get to eat tonight.  And well, I've learned some things about myself that I didn't really realize.  I'll have more coming as I can analyze my thoughts and also reap some benefits once I start eating again, but it has been a beneficial experience.  I think everyone should fast, but its not for the faint hearted.  Once you get away from what you escape to and hide behind, you'll find out who you truly are.  And that my friend - is a sinner.  More to come.